Episode 9 Rewritten
Murmur of conversation
ANNOUNCEMENT
(In the distance, with faint music)
Welcome to Unia, proudly the 50th planet to join the Galactic Union. Remember during your stay to follow regulations unique to Unia soil
- Do carry your tablet and ID on you at all times. You may be asked for either in an emergency or non-emergency situation. Both are required to board any form of transportation and to step into every building.
- Only Imperial Units are considered viable payment, use of any other currency will result in a fine up to $10,000 Imperial Units
- Do not try to trade, barter, or sell outside regulated areas, anyone caught breaking any such regulations may be held for trial.
NOVA
(under breath)
Fucking hate this planet
ATTENDANT
I.D.?
NOVA
They just checked on the ship
ATTENDANT
I wasn’t on the ship
NOVA
But you saw me step off it and walk ten meters to here, where I met you.
ATTENDANT
Is that a regulation translator?
NOVA
(Shortly)
Yes
ATTENDANT
Why are you wearing it?
NOVA
(Frustrated)
Because I don’t speak Galactic Common
ATTENDANT
Have you filled out the appropriate forms?
NOVA
No, it just hasn’t jammed itself since I’ve entered orbit because I’ve cast a magic spell that just nopes all your science to hell and back
ATTENDANT
Let me
NOVA
(sighs, setting tablet on table)
In order, my permission, his permission, our reason for visiting, and our I.D.s
ATTENDANT
I didn’t ask for all that
NOVA
Your parents must have loved you
ATTENDANT
At least I know mine. Convent raised, huh?
NOVA
My god kicked your god’s ass.
ATTENDANT
We have no official religion here.
NOVA
Kicked it right out of fucking existence. You done?
ATTENDANT
(strained)
Enjoy your stay
NOVA
Pretty sure that’s not going to happen. Come on pretty boy.
Grabbing things, shoving them in bags
Walking past the table
ATTENDANT 2
Enjoy your stay on Unia
NOVA
Oh my god, every last one of them, I’m going to lose it.
HATOV
Ehm
NOVA
Just a little further.
A high pitched whirring sounds
AD 1
Have you gotten the newest tablet?
NOVA
(disgusted)
Ugh, forgot about these things (beat) don’t just stand around pretty boy, you can walk right through them.
AD 2
Register your device today. It’s important to make sure all devices are registered with both the Unia government and the Galactic Union
AD 2
(Pops up on Nova’s right)
Registration is simple and can be completed in under 10 imperial minutes.
NOVA
Oh my god, I’ve fucking done it.
AD 2
Thank you for your cooperation.
Ad restarts in the background
NOVA
(under breath)
Fucking ads, fucking holograms, goddamn cameras everywhere.
(beat) This should be far enough. Galaxy Eyes, I’m returning the gift of speech.
HATOV
(Sighs)
Is it true that you don’t speak Galactic Common. I’ve talked to you without the translator before
NOVA
Just because I can understand it, doesn’t mean I speak it.
HATOV
But
NOVA
Look, I don’t have much of a mind for languages. I grew up reading scriptures, cooking pious meals, and trying to find god in lifeless little statues. The sisters weren’t much for non-faith related activities.
AD 3
Have you considered ordering a meal from Sanar’s brewery? We’re famous for our
NOVA
I hate everything about you.
AD 3
Thank you for your feedback
HATOV
Are all Union controlled planets like this?
NOVA
They wish.
HATOV
So these…things are
NOVA
Ads, just ad after fucking ad after fucking ad.
AD 4
Do you have the latest tablet?
HATOV
No. Nova, can (beat) can I buy a tablet?
AD 4
Of course, the latest tablet is sold at Sanar’s electronic emporium. If you’d like to follow me.
NOVA
Goddammit, go tell Sanar he can go fuck himself.
AD 4
Thank you for your feedback
HATOV
(outraged)
Nova!
NOVA
(mockingly)
Nova. You have tablet money?
HATOV
I just wanted to look.
NOVA
Pretty Boy, this thing, with its soulless eyes, makes you want to buy whatever cursed object it’s selling?
HATOV
You’re exaggerating
NOVA
Look at it, it doesn’t even blink.
HATOV
Nova you don’t even believe in souls.
NOVA
No, I don’t believe in god, I believe in souls because souls are convenient.
HATOV
You’re trying to distract me.
NOVA
Dammit.
HATOV
Please, even a simple tablet will do.
NOVA
I wouldn’t let it anywhere near my ship anyway. Their tech is bugged to hell.
HATOV
But you found all the ones on the ship. Is it really a problem
NOVA
I did not find all the ones on the ship. I found their older models, I probably missed three or four, tonight’s going to be hell.
HATOV
Maybe you’re overreacting are all In—
Clasping a hand over Hatov’s mouth
NOVA
Pretty boy, we don’t talk about that here
HATOV
(muffled response)
But you never
NOVA
I need you to understand that we never talk about that here. Okay?
Nodding
Alright. Come on, we’re heading down the (beat) nope, never mind.
Loud murmuring, a polite bell toll. Sound of many people bowing
Nova turning quickly and walking away
HATOV
What is it?
NOVA
Something fucked up, let’s go.
HATOV
But (curious) what was that they were bowing to?
NOVA
Uh (beat) well that’s a hard question to answer pretty boy, short version, it’s the reason we need to take a bit of a detour.
HATOV
And the long explanation?
NOVA
Is very long and
HATOV
Is it dangerous to talk about?
NOVA
Not dangerous, they just give me the creeps, now come on.
HATOV
Nova, you won’t let me have a tablet, at least tell me what that is.
NOVA
Uhm (beat) fuck, not this alley (beat) uh, (beat) well, it’s a G.U. soldier (beat) sort of.
HATOV
That doesn’t look anything like the
NOVA
Yeah, no, nothing like the Republic. This is a real deal G.U. bureaucrat, high up, big five descendant[TW1] . Pure blood.
HATOV
Why are we running from them, they seemed nice.
NOVA
Not running. Uhm (beat) here’s the thing, you can only cheat death for so long. That thing traded most of it’s body away to stay alive longer. It tossed it’s mind into the equivalent of a pickling jar and will keep going for as long as physically possible.
HATOV
So, forever?
NOVA
(strained laugh)
Not at all pretty boy. Brains aren’t meant for jars. The rejection’ll make the brain tissue swell and harden, the machine won’t work too hot with a fucked up interface. The lack of feedback will result in a funny kind of isolation that’ll start warping the brain tissue and the brain itself will eventually fall apart. It’s slow pretty boy, and it makes them very unpredictable.
HATOV
Then why were all those people surrounding them? It almost looked like (peters out)
NOVA
They were worshipping them?
HATOV
Ehm, yes.
NOVA
Yeah, well, there’s no official religion on Unia, because the G.U. doesn’t like to advertise its members as gods, but…uh…that’s Unia’s church.
HATOV
That’s insa
NOVA
Trust me, it’s really, really not. These people believe the G.U. was sent to rescue them, and they did. Then they gifted them an immortal.
HATOV
But they’re not immortal.
NOVA
Live long enough, and even the promise of death seems like an illusion doesn’t it?
HATOV
But what if their god dies?
NOVA
They’ll do what every religion does. They’ll bring them back and call it a sign. The suit’s the same, who’ll really know the difference?
