Episode 13

Episode 13
HATOV
(beat) uhm…will this kill me?
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
(Growling, deep voice)
It’s killed everyone of non-Gnorrian descent so far, but maybe you’ll get lucky.
 
HATOV
(beat)
Is there anything here that won’t kill me?
 
SAWA
Nova has often picked the option on the far left.
 
HATOV
Does she like it?
 
SAWA
She finds most food on Gnorria-658 unpalatable.
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
(grumbles)
Soft-stomached foreigners
 
HATOV
How do people live here?
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
They adapt.  Now choose or leave.
 
HATOV
Ehm (beat) I’ll take that.
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
Good choice.  Here or to go?
 
HATOV
(beat, confused)
There are no tables here
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
Decide.
 
HATOV
What would Nova do?
 
SAWA
Nova would eat on the ship
 
HATOV
To go
Sound of something wet and meaty landing on the counter, paper crackling.
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
That’ll be 45 imperial
 
HATOV
(beat) aren’t you supposed to cook it?
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
No
 
HATOV
(awkwardly)
I don’t think I can
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
Meat on Gnorria does not cook
 
HATOV
I can’t eat it raw.
 
RANDOM SHOPKEEP
Pay or I’m calling the guards.
 
HATOV
(Long pause)
Sawa?
 
SAWA
Payment confirmed.  My apologies Hatov, but I am unable to carry that with my off-board model, will you be alright?
 
HATOV
(Long pause)
I guess.
 
SAWA
Understood. 
 
SHOPKEEP
Pleasure doing business.
 
HATOV
It was not.
 
SHOPKEEP
Then don’t come back.
 
HATOV
I hate everything on this stupid planet.  Why did Wilm want this?  Why did he want to be “Treated like everyone else”?
 
SAWA
I am unable to answer, who is Wilm?
 
HATOV
Nobody.
 
Sound of door opening and wind
 
HATOV
This whole planet is awful.  Why in the name of the goddess does it even exist?
 
SAWA
That question is illogical.  Planets seem to have no reason for existing.
 
HATOV
I really need to find a way to update you
 
SAWA
Nova has indicated that my software is desirable as it is.
 
HATOV
Yes, yes, Nova this, Nova that.  Can I at least have my own room on this goddess forsaken death trap?
 
SAWA
There is a spare room on the ship.
 
HATOV
(Outraged)
What?
 
SAWA
There is another room on the ship.  It is used for storing information, but most of it remains unused.  There is a spare bed there as well.
 
HATOV
(offended and in disbelief)
Then why was I sleeping on the floor?
 
SAWA
Nova keeps that room locked at all times.  You’ve made 148 attempts to enter but have been unsuccessful.
 
HATOV
Do you think I could get into it?
 
SAWA
That seems unlikely.
 
HATOV
(mutters)
I’m a prince of Eolara, I shouldn’t sleep on the floor. Do you know the passcode?
 
SAWA
No, that information has been wiped, though I can inform you when you get a digit right as the keypad emits a high pitched drone when you do.
 
HATOV
How many numbers have I gotten right?
 
SAWA
In all 148 attempts you have gotten two numbers correct in one attempt.
 
HATOV
This is hopeless (beat) or maybe (beat) you can tell me which number I get correct, no matter which part of this code I choose?
 
SAWA
That is correct
 
HATOV
Finally, security my royal ass.
 
SAWA
Following this course of action is ill-advised.
 
HATOV
Why?
 
SAWA
Nova has indicated that she prefers that room untouched.
 
HATOV
I’d prefer to be in it.  I require a bed Sawa (mumbling) why can’t you see that?
 
SAWA
You did not require a bed when you were ill.
 
HATOV
(sighs)
Yes, what was that?  Why have I ended up here of all places? (steady beeping)
Any digits in the right place?
 
SAWA
No.  I repeat, this course of action is ill-advised.
 
HATOV
Please.  I’ve had enough of this.  If I have to eat like an animal, I will not be sleeping like one.
(more beeps)
Now?
 
SAWA
No digits were correct
 
HATOV
(More beeps)
Any digits in this one?
 
SAWA
The third digit was correct
(beeps)
The first digit was correct
(beeps)
No digits were correct
(beeps)
The fourth digit was correct
(beeps)
The sixth digit was correct
(beeps)
No digits were correct
(beeps)
The second and seventh digits were correct
 
HATOV
That means the fifth digit was a nine.  3825968?
 
SAWA
That appears to be correct.
 
HATOV
(beeping ensues, followed by a very heavy thud)
What the hell was that?
 
SAWA
Nova has indicated that she likes that room closed.
 
HATOV
(panicked)
I could have died
 
SAWA
The actions you’ve taken were ill-advised.
 
HATOV
(Outraged)
Deadly and ill-advised are two completely different things.
 
SAWA
Ill-advised actions are actions that if taken may lead to undesirable consequences.  I assumed your death was a undesirable outcome.  Was I incorrect?
 
HATOV
(Shortly)
Technically, no.  Was that even the right code?
 
SAWA
It seems unlikely.  I appear to have been mistaken.  The keypad tones were likely part of the trap.
 
HATOV
Why does this even exist?  She doesn't even let people onto the ship.
 
SAWA
It would appear that this was intended for Jeanne.
 
HATOV
And the passcode?
 
SAWA
The digits correspond to letters spelling Fuck you
 
HATOV
Perfect.
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