Episode 1

NOVA

 (singing) if this bolt comes undone, I’ll probably died, probably die, probably die.  Because the pressure difference in the vacuum of space is (speaking plainly) very detrimental to my health.  Piece of shit, “a d-class ship isn’t cleared for hyperspace travel” no shit.

RADIO (crackles)

D-Class ship in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pick up

(Nova snorts, sound of wrench tightening continues)

D-Class ship ID number 2736478975 located in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pickup

NOVA (exasperated, footsteps sound)

For the love of all that’s (radio crackles) look lady, this is a secure channel, I don’t know how you got it, but I’m not that type of transport.

RADIO

D-class ship ID number 2736478975 located in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pick uup

NOVA

(sound of radio handle being set down as message loops) fucking droids.

RADIO

(different alert sound, this time the voice is desperate) Please he won’t make it.

NOVA

 He?

(Heavy footsteps to the window)

What the fuck?  What the FUCK? Where’s his suit?  LADY? (Sound of radio) Hey babe, sweetheart, you’re fucking with me, right?

(message continues to loop)

I’m not exactly dressed for a goddamned space walk.  Where is the deployment ship?  WHERE IS YOUR SHIP?!

(Sounds of dressing, lots of cursing, followed by a zipper as helmet goes on ambient sound is muffled, there’s a soft click, a bang, and the sound of an airlock releasing, then silence)

Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead (pause) what the fuck are you? 

(No noise and then the sound of a vacuum being released.  And a large shattering gasp)

Yeah, serves you the fuck right.  What the hell was that?  What were you thinking?  Hey?  Hey!  Wake up!  I’m…(sighs).  (Sounds of dragging)

(sound of radio)

Hey, hey!  I’ve got your “cargo” here.  Hello?  Ship designation: asshole, I’ve got your buddy.  What do you want me to do with him?  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a sitting duck.  Ship repairs were underway.  Awaiting instructions!  Directive?  Hello?  Hello?

(message continues, she sighs)

You’re monitoring is just gonna piss away all my hyperdrive fuel you know?

(Message continues)

Yeah, and you don’t care.

(Sighs, radio switching sounds)

Hello, hello, this is ship ID 2736478975 piece of shit.  Jeanne are you there?  Stop.

(Radio crackles)

JEANNE

Hey, Nova.  You still riding in that deathtrap?

NOVA

Still alive despite tremendous odds, yup.  Have you been giving my ID to new clients Jeanne?

JEANNE

What?  No, Nova, you have your route stick to it.  You need to build up

NOVA

—trust, I know.  I know, it’s just (beat) Jeanne, are you absolutely sure? Like, not even by mmistake?

JEANNE

(pause) Nova, what’s going on?

NOVA

I was radioed but here’s where it gets weird.  They called my private line. They seemed to think I’m a cargo ship.  A real cargo ship they wanted me to transport.

JEANNE

 Well, what did you expect?  You’re piloting that heap of trash around.  Not everyone is crazy enough to fit a hyperspace engine on any hunk of metal they lay their eyes on.

NOVA

I thought my ID was wiped from the records.

JEANNE

 It is, but I can’t just erase everything.  Older ships have older directories, your number might still be there.

NOVA

Dammit Jeanne!

JEANNE

Oh, please.  I would like to take this moment to remind you of our rules Nova.  I don’t mind a bit of private smuggling but you are not to take on an entire load.  I trust you turned them down?

NOVA

Of course I turned them down.  I was in the middle of repairs.

JEANNE

(laughing) Piece of junk.

NOVA

Yeah (beat) that’s actually my main reason for contacting you.  I have a rusted bolt and a few hull cracks I can’t use the hyperdrive engine without considerable risk of…well….dying.  Can you tell the contact I’m running behind schedule.

JEANNE

 (beat) how far behind schedule?

NOVA

Jeanne, I’m one of your best agents

JEANNE

How far out are you Nova?

NOVA:

 At sub hyper travel…2 weeks.

JEANNE:

 Goddammit Nova.

NOVA

Jeanne, you know I’m one of the best.  This won’t happen again, I swear.  I’ll spend the next imperial whatever dancing around Catos if you want.

JEANNE

 (with disapproval) Nova, this business doesn’t exist without trust.  Our clients trust us to be discreet and punctual.

NOVA

The alternative here is death Jeanne.  I didn’t make physics.

JEANNE

(sighs) you’re going to haul ass and make it in 9 days, you got that?

NOVA

Yes’m

JEANNE

 Good.

NOVA

(hangs up receiver): Dammit (sound of dragging continues, followed by some beeping)

SAWA

(clanking potentially a windows booting sound)

Hello, I am Sawa, your life support system and aid.  How may I help you?

NOVA

Run a diagnostic on whatever this thing’s supposed to be.

SAWA

Designating a species will make the process go smoother.  The drop down menu to the right

NOVA

 Fuck your drop down, if I knew what he was I’d have told you.  Just…do your best Sawa.  Keep him alive I don’t feel like throwing a corpse out the trash chute. Understand?

SAWA

Diagnostic scan for unknown species will take up to five times as long.  Is that okay?

NOVA

Of course it will.  Estimated time?

SAWA

 Unknown.

NOVA

(Exasperated)

Why not?  And Sawa?

SAWA

Yes Nova?

NOVA

He does not get the bed.

SAWA

But recovery rates are noticeably faster

NOVA

He does not get the bed, Sawa.

SAWA

I will treat him to the best of my abilities

NOVA

We’re literally going to land on Gnorria in nine days.  I have taken out every single blanket, heater, and jacket I own.  Make do Sawa.  If I find him on my bed he will be considerably harder for you to patch.

SAWA

Permission to create a makeshift nest?

NOVA

(sighs) Granted.

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

And stay on battery saving mode, I’m not made of fuel.

SAWA

A newer version would have better energy saving capabilities.

NOVA

I like you just fine Sawa, and newer models require newer model money, which

SAWA

It says you have 62,000 imperial units in the bank

NOVA

Stay out of my bank accounts, god Sawa, If I find you touched that money, I will scrap you.

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

Don’t do it

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

Don’t

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

God, this is why it’s so much nicer when, you’re off.  Transport starts up again at, fuck, did your clock update?

SAWA

I am currently running on a 48 hour system.  The time is zero hours four minutes and 48 seconds

NOVA

Sure, that’s fine.  Prepare for subhyp travel at 1:02.

SAWA

This ship has not been cleared for sub hyperspeed endeavors

NOVA

I know Sawa, that’s why you’re communicators are offline.  I’m busy making repairs to the hull.  Make a list of everything you use, and I’ll see if I can negotiate something planet side. 

(beat)

I want to be notified as soon as he wakes up.

SAWA

Understood.

NOVA

And fix that damn radio.  If I h

EPISODE 1: Signals

NOVA

 (singing) if this bolt comes undone, I’ll probably died, probably die, probably die.  Because the pressure difference in the vacuum of space is (speaking plainly) very detrimental to my health.  Piece of shit, “a d-class ship isn’t cleared for hyperspace travel” no shit.

RADIO (crackles)

D-Class ship in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pick up

(Nova snorts, sound of wrench tightening continues)

D-Class ship ID number 2736478975 located in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pickup

NOVA (exasperated, footsteps sound)

For the love of all that’s (radio crackles) look lady, this is a secure channel, I don’t know how you got it, but I’m not that type of transport.

RADIO

D-class ship ID number 2736478975 located in zone 278-98 Delta there’s a package available for pick uup

NOVA

(sound of radio handle being set down as message loops) fucking droids.

RADIO

(different alert sound, this time the voice is desperate) Please he won’t make it.

NOVA

 He?

(Heavy footsteps to the window)

What the fuck?  What the FUCK? Where’s his suit?  LADY? (Sound of radio) Hey babe, sweetheart, you’re fucking with me, right?

(message continues to loop)

I’m not exactly dressed for a goddamned space walk.  Where is the deployment ship?  WHERE IS YOUR SHIP?!

(Sounds of dressing, lots of cursing, followed by a zipper as helmet goes on ambient sound is muffled, there’s a soft click, a bang, and the sound of an airlock releasing, then silence)

Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead (pause) what the fuck are you? 

(No noise and then the sound of a vacuum being released.  And a large shattering gasp)

Yeah, serves you the fuck right.  What the hell was that?  What were you thinking?  Hey?  Hey!  Wake up!  I’m…(sighs).  (Sounds of dragging)

(sound of radio)

Hey, hey!  I’ve got your “cargo” here.  Hello?  Ship designation: asshole, I’ve got your buddy.  What do you want me to do with him?  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a sitting duck.  Ship repairs were underway.  Awaiting instructions!  Directive?  Hello?  Hello?

(message continues, she sighs)

You’re monitoring is just gonna piss away all my hyperdrive fuel you know?

(Message continues)

Yeah, and you don’t care.

(Sighs, radio switching sounds)

Hello, hello, this is ship ID 2736478975 piece of shit.  Jeanne are you there?  Stop.

(Radio crackles)

JEANNE

Hey, Nova.  You still riding in that deathtrap?

NOVA

Still alive despite tremendous odds, yup.  Have you been giving my ID to new clients Jeanne?

JEANNE

What?  No, Nova, you have your route stick to it.  You need to build up

NOVA

—trust, I know.  I know, it’s just (beat) Jeanne, are you absolutely sure? Like, not even by mmistake?

JEANNE

(pause) Nova, what’s going on?

NOVA

I was radioed but here’s where it gets weird.  They called my private line. They seemed to think I’m a cargo ship.  A real cargo ship they wanted me to transport.

JEANNE

 Well, what did you expect?  You’re piloting that heap of trash around.  Not everyone is crazy enough to fit a hyperspace engine on any hunk of metal they lay their eyes on.

NOVA

I thought my ID was wiped from the records.

JEANNE

 It is, but I can’t just erase everything.  Older ships have older directories, your number might still be there.

NOVA

Dammit Jeanne!

JEANNE

Oh, please.  I would like to take this moment to remind you of our rules Nova.  I don’t mind a bit of private smuggling but you are not to take on an entire load.  I trust you turned them down?

NOVA

Of course I turned them down.  I was in the middle of repairs.

JEANNE

(laughing) Piece of junk.

NOVA

Yeah (beat) that’s actually my main reason for contacting you.  I have a rusted bolt and a few hull cracks I can’t use the hyperdrive engine without considerable risk of…well….dying.  Can you tell the contact I’m running behind schedule.

JEANNE

 (beat) how far behind schedule?

NOVA

Jeanne, I’m one of your best agents

JEANNE

How far out are you Nova?

NOVA:

 At sub hyper travel…2 weeks.

JEANNE:

 Goddammit Nova.

NOVA

Jeanne, you know I’m one of the best.  This won’t happen again, I swear.  I’ll spend the next imperial whatever dancing around Catos if you want.

JEANNE

 (with disapproval) Nova, this business doesn’t exist without trust.  Our clients trust us to be discreet and punctual.

NOVA

The alternative here is death Jeanne.  I didn’t make physics.

JEANNE

(sighs) you’re going to haul ass and make it in 9 days, you got that?

NOVA

Yes’m

JEANNE

 Good.

NOVA

(hangs up receiver): Dammit (sound of dragging continues, followed by some beeping)

SAWA

(clanking potentially a windows booting sound)

Hello, I am Sawa, your life support system and aid.  How may I help you?

NOVA

Run a diagnostic on whatever this thing’s supposed to be.

SAWA

Designating a species will make the process go smoother.  The drop down menu to the right

NOVA

 Fuck your drop down, if I knew what he was I’d have told you.  Just…do your best Sawa.  Keep him alive I don’t feel like throwing a corpse out the trash chute. Understand?

SAWA

Diagnostic scan for unknown species will take up to five times as long.  Is that okay?

NOVA

Of course it will.  Estimated time?

SAWA

 Unknown.

NOVA

(Exasperated)

Why not?  And Sawa?

SAWA

Yes Nova?

NOVA

He does not get the bed.

SAWA

But recovery rates are noticeably faster

NOVA

He does not get the bed, Sawa.

SAWA

I will treat him to the best of my abilities

NOVA

We’re literally going to land on Gnorria in nine days.  I have taken out every single blanket, heater, and jacket I own.  Make do Sawa.  If I find him on my bed he will be considerably harder for you to patch.

SAWA

Permission to create a makeshift nest?

NOVA

(sighs) Granted.

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

And stay on battery saving mode, I’m not made of fuel.

SAWA

A newer version would have better energy saving capabilities.

NOVA

I like you just fine Sawa, and newer models require newer model money, which

SAWA

It says you have 62,000 imperial units in the bank

NOVA

Stay out of my bank accounts, god Sawa, If I find you touched that money, I will scrap you.

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

Don’t do it

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

Don’t

SAWA

Understood

NOVA

God, this is why it’s so much nicer when, you’re off.  Transport starts up again at, fuck, did your clock update?

SAWA

I am currently running on a 48 hour system.  The time is zero hours four minutes and 48 seconds

NOVA

Sure, that’s fine.  Prepare for subhyp travel at 1:02.

SAWA

This ship has not been cleared for sub hyperspeed endeavors

NOVA

I know Sawa, that’s why you’re communicators are offline.  I’m busy making repairs to the hull.  Make a list of everything you use, and I’ll see if I can negotiate something planet side. 

(beat)

I want to be notified as soon as he wakes up.

SAWA

Understood.

NOVA

And fix that damn radio.  If I have to hear it one more time, I’m going to lose it

ave to hear it one more time, I’m going to lose it